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Mark answers the most asked Questions!

By December 5, 2018 No Comments

“Protect yourself energetically from negativity. That includes from family members or your spouse. ”- Mark Divine

Dr. Parsley’s sleep remedy was designed to help Navy SEALs to overcome some of the sleep challenges that they have as hard-charging individuals. Doc Parsley believes that proper sleep and recovery is absolutely essential to maintain our ability to perform at a high level. His sleep “cocktail” includes a number of supplements to provide our bodies with chemicals naturally produced by the brain to encourage sleep. Commander Divine is a huge fan and encourages members his tribe to try it out for themselves. Enter “unbeatablemind” at the checkout on www.docparsley.com to get 10% off.

In this solo episode, Mark takes questions from the Unbeatable Mind tribe. Hear how you need to deal with and protect yourself from the negativity of a significant other and how to work on maintaining passion and focus for your end-game. Many of us can start things well, but need help with making sure we are able to finish them.

Learn about:

  • The need to have a burning “why” or a “hell, yes” to undertake a significant endeavor.
  • Pride may not be the best emotion, since pride comes at someone else’s expense. Courage is more positive than pride
  • Box Breathing is not the only staple, there are other types of breath work that the Commander uses and recommends.

Listen to this episode to hear insights from Mark on some of the most asked questions from his tribe!

Neurohacker Collective and Unbeatable Mind have partnered to provide you with 15% off your first purchase of Qualia Mind if you follow this link and use coupon code UNBEATABLE at checkout. The code also works for their less expensive product Qualia Focus which blends greater affordability with nearly as many benefits. You save more if you get the cancel-anytime subscription of either, and there’s a 100% no hassle money back guarantee.

The podcast recently brought you an interview with one of the most accomplished neuroscientists in the world, Dr. Andrew Huberman of Stanford’s Huberman Labs. He joined Mark to discuss not only Qualia Mind but the entire field of nootropics in general.

Get your Qualia Mind experience started now with coupon code UNBEATABLE at checkout for 15% off to experience firsthand the power of Qualia Mind or Qualia Focus.

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Transcript

Hey folks. Welcome back. This is Mark Divine with the Unbeatable Mind podcast. Thanks for joining me today. Appreciate it very much.

Today we’ll do another solo cast–follow-up from my q & a solo cast I did recently–I only got through about half the questions, so we’re gonna take a look at the rest. And we’ll see how that goes.

Before I get into it, still pushing hard on our burpees for vets challenge. Our goal is 22 million. We’re not gonna stop until we’re done.

So if you haven’t done anything about it, then consider supporting us in that initiative. Either by jumping in and choosing a number of burpees. Or by supporting my team, or my effort.

Recently we did the burpee world record initiative. You can learn about that at burpeesforvets.com.

And I’m recording this a little bit before then but I’m gonna assume or make a claim that we’ll be at about 15 million burpees by the time this show is published. Cause a few weeks after I record is usually when we publish so….

15 million. We’re going for 22 million burpees. We’re doing it to raise awareness and money to put some veterans who are suffering from post-traumatic stress through an Unbeatable Mind immersion. With a follow-on program of 18 months of coach support. We know that building purpose again. Helping with a team–giving them a team and accountability and a coach– and all the tools of Unbeatable Mind that we’ve been talking about in these podcasts are going to be really, really effective and helpful.

But more important is the awareness, because, I mean, we can only impact individually maybe 40 or 50 vets next year with the resources. And so for me it’s equally important that we get awareness and some information out there so everyone can be part of this solution here.

Burpeesforvets.com. Check it out. I do appreciate it. Now there were a couple questions that I meant to get to last time on burpees, so let me start with those since I’ve already talked about burpees.

Time and Burpees

02:34

So Matt K. says “curious where I should be with time for burpees. I did strict burpees Saturday in 37 minutes. And I assume he’s talking about 300. I’m not sure.

But “what’s a good goal to shoot for?”

Well for this initiative, like time isn’t important.

Now for the world-record attempt, time was important, but for most people this is just about getting them done.

Having said that, I like the idea of some variety. I don’t want to get bored and do the same protocol every single day. I’ve done 300 purposes a day since January, so I changed things up a little bit.

And this actually makes sense because the second question, john says “what has the impact of doing 300 burpees a day been on my body? Do you do standard burpees? Or do you incorporate alternative versions?”

Well let me answer these together. One of the more challenging protocols I’ve done is to do 10 burpees on the minute, every minute, for 30 minutes. So now you’re doing 330 minutes and you’re getting a pretty intense workout in. I could do it quicker, but that’s gonna be… That would be like a competitive event.

I remember during the CrossFit games a few years ago, they had mas number of burpees in seven minutes… And I ended up doing 126 in seven minutes. Which I thought was pretty good.

I was just smoked. And then I saw some of these other Cross Fitters just destroy that number. That’s like “oh my god, they’re moving fast.”

At any rate, it doesn’t matter how fast. So maybe one of your protocols is like the minute on the minute doing 10 every minute for 30 minutes. That gives you your 300 that way. But another protocol that I really, really like is doing sets of 20 and on the 20th rep or after the 20th rep, I will pause and do a little practice. Not burpee practice, but mental Unbeatable Mind practice. I’ll do some breathing, and my mantra, and visualization.

So spend about 30 seconds in practice–calming down and preparing for the next round and then you just launch into the next round. And that has become a very, very nice way to turn these 300 burpees into an integrated training daily practice. Which is really what we try to do in Unbeatable Mind. So I’m eating my own dog food there.

And another protocol I’ve used is doing three sets of a hundred. And that’s a challenge, because that sort of like a stamina workout. So I’ll crank out a hundred burpees, take about two minute break, then do the second set and then the third set. I’ve done that a few times with the Kokoro camp and the 20x teams.

So it’s something great to do that protocol with a team. And it’s a nice challenge definitely have to embrace the suck for that one.

So I think you can… You get the point there… Try some variety and make sure you’re training your whole body, mind and spirit. And that you’re really connected to your why. This has been a no excuses type training for us because the “why” is to support the vets. The commitment is solid. Hundred thousand burpees. I’m not gonna waver. In fact I’m gonna end up doing a lot more–probably be like a hundred and eight or ten.

And, yeah, I wake up every day and I know those burpees are in front of me. And it doesn’t bother me. I look forward to it. That’s the way you got to get with these types of things. It’s just you choose something that’s challenging, you work your way up to where it’s easy and enjoyable, and your commitment is unwavering. No excuses. Easy day.

Teamwork and Communication

06:10

Alright so let me get back into some of the Unbeatable Mind questions. From competitive edge skating, Jennifer asks, “how do you think we can help more people embrace vulnerability, connection, and seeing the importance of helping one another? Especially using training as a platform.”

Well I like that last part, so let me talk about it in the context of training. How do we use training to help people embrace vulnerability, connection, and the importance of helping one another?

That’s really what we tried to accomplish with my crucible training through SEALFIT, the 20x and the Kokoro programs, was to help people see that they’re not in this alone. The idea or the age of the staunch individualist is pretty much over. It was a fantasy to begin with and it’s led to a lot of problems. I know it’s got a little bit of a sex appeal and some of the imagery of John Wayne and Robert Redford and actors who played the staunch individualists on the western frontier.

And the American entrepreneur now is kind of like taken that role up. Even the entrepreneurs know or they’ll say yeah that’s an image. It’s not reality. Like Elon Musk, he’s got a lot of attention and he’s doing some amazing things. But he obviously hasn’t done this alone. Like he has a serious team behind him at SpaceX and Tesla and the rest of his initiatives. It is a serious team effort and a leader basically has to inspire the team and help the team bring out the best in themselves and in the organization.

So if you’re someone who is either leading a team as a coach, like competitive edge skating is, or any really area… It could be a corporate team, it could be your family team–then to think of the team as the developmental petri dish, right?

So the team is where you’re they’re not to compete, but to cooperate. You’re there to help bring each other up. To achieve the team mission. We’re acknowledging that we have various strengths and weaknesses and cultural backgrounds and whatnot. And to embrace the best. And to help people overcome maybe the worst, or the not-so-good in themselves.

This is why political correctness is so horrific when it comes to development because it just stunts growth. But brutally hard, really honest communications are really important. Learning how to communicate in a way that helps elevate another person, while exposing them to their own weaknesses or to their own failings is really important. And that’s what a good team and a good coach who’s trained in Unbeatable Mind can do.

Because ultimately then the team will start to connect and care for each other more. And that connection and caring will then extend beyond the local into the regional, into the global community… So once we unlock that developmental path, that care connection and concern begins to expand beyond ego-centric into ethno- and then world-centric arenas. So that’s what we’re looking we’re in training as a team, with a team. And looking at the team as a developmental platform so to speak is crucial, right?

So how do we do that? You don’t just show up and work out and leave. It’s not all about the physical. It’s equal about the physical, the mental, and the emotional. We use what happens during a training evolution, good and bad, to help people grow and to understand. To see things differently.

When we’re training as an individual, we’re not just caring about our own excellence, and our own awesomeness, but we want to make sure that the team is awesome. And that I’m willing to set my own needs aside, or my own ego aside to help my teammate. Even if it means like… In the Crossfit games I used to do this all the time or not… The way we used to train, not in the Crossfit games, but in our workout… So you have one eye on yourself and one eye on your teammates.

And if you see someone failing or doing something that’s gonna get him injured. Or–even worse–you see them cheating, then you take a moment to hold them accountable and you’re gonna set your stuff down and pause and you’re gonna sacrifice some reps or sacrifice your score, whatever it is, to really help this individual grow. I think that’s really critical. And I think that’s… The best coaches are doing that and those teams are crushing it.

We’re working with some professional sports teams right now through Unbeatable Mind and this is the type of training that we’re bringing to them. And it’s really having an impact, I think. Excited about that. Great question. Thank you very much.

A Strong Finish

13:26

So the next one is “monk warrior” says “I’m awesome at starting something, but not always great at the finish line.” well, I guess you could say “join the club.” There’s a lot of people who have that issue. We have a lot of energy when we start things, and then the energy peters out, because we don’t know how to restore it or keep our focus on it, and chase the next shiny thing.

But he goes on to say “my guess is some sort of endgame anxiety. But I’m not really sure what the mental block is. Any ideas would help.”

Well, like I said, I guess it really starts with making sure that what you choose to do is the right thing. If it’s not–you’re going to lose interest when you realize that your goal wasn’t properly assessed it didn’t fit you–and I’m talking about the fits model that I introduced in my book “the way of the seal.” does it fit your personality and your character? Is it important enough to you to do? To stay focused on through the end? Is the timing right? Because if the timing’s not right for you, you could start something and then realize that you weren’t woefully unprepared. Or you had all sorts of other skills you need to develop. Or resources, or people, or money. And then you get sidetracked running after those, and the original thing you feel like you’ve failed on.

The reality is you’re just–you had to go get some other stuff that lined up before–because the timing wasn’t right.

And then the last in the fits model is, is it simple? Have you articulated this end-game, this objective in simple enough terms, so that it’s very clear to you? And you can drive toward it with a strong visual image of what victory looks like.

So then on the execution side of it, we’ve gotta habituate the types of things that are gonna get us there. So that we just ratchet our way there without much fanfare right? Instead of making it a big deal, it’s like “okay, I’m gonna do these things every day. They’re gonna become processes. So I chunk that goal down into those actions which I can make a simple process. And then I just do them every day. And I track the progress, right?

And ultimately then what happens is by the time you get 50-60% of the way there, it’s already pretty much in the bag. Like, there’s very little that could sidetrack you.

I did a podcast recently with the author of “Atomic Habits.” That might be a good place to look. And he had some really good ideas that are along these lines about how to create processes instead of habits. How to really chunk things down. And also to set up your day so that you have these kind of like algorithms that run. These if-then-that algorithm. So like if when I brush my teeth, then I floss my teeth. And after I floss my teeth then I take a cold shower. And after I take a cold shower then I do my breathing exercises, right? So these things just kind of like trigger each other. And so you can do the same thing with large things you’re working on that maybe…. If you don’t always get to the finish line novel you’ll have some tools to do that.

All right. Hopefully that was helpful.

Ego and Pride

16:41

Miguel H. asks “what’s the difference between ego and pride?” interesting.

Well let me just start by saying ego is your personality. So you really kind of have to like have a descriptor in there. Cause ego is just you. It’s not good, nor bad.

Now I know some authors have kind of confused it or used the term to say that ego is bad. Well if you got rid of your ego, or killed your ego, you’d be gone. Like, you’d be literally brain dead. Or you’d be catatonic.

In the true sense the word, your ego is your personality. Now with your personality, you could be full of pride, or you could be full of humility. Now this is another one our culture has gotten wrong in my opinion. Pride is looked at as good. Now, I think for someone who is immature or in the early stages of their mental development–like a child, pride is fine. It’s better to have some pride in your success, than it is to regret, or to have shame. No doubt. Because shame is the lowest form of energy. It’s the most insidious. So we want…

Pride is better than shame. But pride still has a negative quality to it. Because pride comes at the expense of somebody else, right? I’m better than that person. Or I’m even better than I was last week so I’m proud of that–but are you saying in that thought process that you weren’t a good person last week? Or you weren’t whole?

No. So that’s the problem we have with pride. Pride has a negative quality to it. In fact, not Stephen Hawking is but the author David Hawkins–Dr. David Hawkins–who wrote “Power Versus Force,” one of my favorite books by the way. “Power Versus Force.” Used kinesiology to measure all the different energies of the human experience and yes, shame was the lowest form. The lowest form of energy. The most insidious–like I said–that’s why shame is used to interrogate prisoners.

And the highest form of course is infinite bliss or universal love. God connection, that kind of thing. So it’s the highest form of love.

And then right in the middle practically… The first positive energy is courage and the first negative energy–right in the pivot point. First negative energy is pride.

So I would much rather say that your ego is just who you are now. The energy of the ego can be prideful or it can be courageous. Let’s push for courageous. Courage is more positive than pride. Courage says “you know what? I’ve got the courage to improve myself. I’ve got the courage to admit my weaknesses, and to see them. I’ve got the courage to stand my ground.” that’s nice.

Now as we move into courage and develop that as an emotional or egoic energy, now we want to move toward humility. Because basically humility says that I’m courageous. And I’m getting stuff done. But it really doesn’t matter to me what the outcome is. As long as I’m doing the right thing, for the right reasons, at the right time.

So humility has non-attachment to it. Does that make sense? So we develop not detachment in the sense of being fatalistic or don’t give a shit. I’m talking about not being attached to the results. It just happens.

The things we do in the world we do with great humility. We do it with full attention and full awareness and we’ve got a strong “why” to back them. And we courageously dive into them, standing our ground.

But if we fail it doesn’t make us a bad person. It doesn’t slow us down. It doesn’t cause us to all stop. Essentially we just pick ourselves up–fall down 7, get up 8–we assess what we could have done better. We make some changes. Deploy the OODA loop we observe, we orient, we make a new decision. And then we go forward and act on it. And that model brings great humility.

So thanks Miguel. A great question. That’s what I’m thinking on the subject.

Box Breathing and Other Practices

21:01

Okay, next we have Ryan. Says” I’m a big fan of box breathing.” yes, me too. It’s phenomenal. It’s a daily staple.

Okay, so I went off on this tangent his question “I’ve become a big fan of box breathing. What other breathing exercises do you practice regularly?”

Okay, good. Well box breathing is my staple every morning, every evening. Oftentimes during the day. Box breathing is done when you’re in a practice mode, right it’s not something you really do much on… Moving about. Because it requires deep concentration and awareness.

But when I’m moving about and getting things done, I practice the tactical breath which is essentially same as box breathing without the holds. And so if I’m on a six count pattern six in, six hold, six out, six hold then I’ll just do six count in and six count out.

Generally speaking my normal pattern is around eight count in, 8 count out. And through my nostrils, right? So I try to maintain that.

And the only time I’m not doing that is if I’m speaking or if I’m working out. Then I’ll have to have a different pattern. So that’s a really important one.

In fact one of the outcomes of box breathing practice is that you end up naturally gravitating toward this–what we call the tactical, I’ve also used term “circular” breathing because the breath you want to look and feel like a circular pattern, or an oval. As opposed to a straight line that goes back and forth, or up and down.

Alright, anyways…

We do great training on this by the way at our Unbeatable Mind academy. Which we’re currently calling the academy. It’s our academy experience. Which is going to be the hallmark of our training going forward for the public event side. We’re launching a lot of private training. A lot of work with corporations and organizations so if anyone wants to do this we’ve done work with EO & YPO and private companies and whatnot. And we spend a lot of time over two days, or three days, going into all the breathing practices and how and why and the nuances and all the… Witnessing process, and concentration training, and meditation and visualization all these Unbeatable Mind skills.

So a little sales pitch there. If you’re really looking to learn these skills, and you think they’re important–which I certainly do–I think they’re critical for leaders and for anyone trying to grow and develop their highest and best self, then we’re here to teach you how to do it through these trainings. And you can find out all the information on unbeatablemind.com.

At any rate, back to this. So the other breaths… Besides box breathing in this tactical slash circular breath, every morning in my cold shower I do something I call the energy breath. And if anyone have you have been to my SEALFIT academies or the summit, you know the energy breath is a forceful inhale and exhale through the mouth or the nose. We’ve done it in both ways, but it’s intense, it’s quick right? “ha-ha-ha.” like that. I know that sounds kind of weird probably in a podcast, but it’s really intense and it has an arm movement associated with it. So hard to really convey in a audio podcast. But when you learn how to do it, it’s an intense way to wake up. Draws a lot of energy in the body and surreal like etch-a-sketch for the brain. Awesome stuff.

And then the other one that we do a lot of is called the warrior breath. And this is kind of like our version of Wim Hof, we’ve been doing it for probably as long. We do it through the nose, which I think might be different.

But warrior breathing is a sharp, long, inhale through the nose and a soft exhale through the mouth like this “hmm-ha.”

And I’ll do 30 or 40 of these. And then I’ll hold my breath at the end.

Another pattern we do is nine. We call it the nine breath. So we’ll do nine of those and hold our breath and in those breath-holds, I practice my visualization. So there you go. Those are some of the things I do daily. And it’s fun. They just kind of roll out into my life when I need them and they have a big impact.

“Hell Yes”

25:07

Okay Luna asks “I’m thinking about coming over,” then she must be overseas… “coming over for Kokoro in October 2019. I feel like it’s a challenge that I need in my life journey, but how can I be sure it’s the case?”

Well I tell you what… Anyone who’s done Kokoro has a burning desire to do Kokoro. It’s really hard to be voluntold to do Kokoro, or just go in with it lukewarm.

So if you’re not sure then I recommend you do a trial run. Either come to one of our 12-hour 20x’s or 24-hour 20xl events and just test it out. Make sure it’s something that you really want and need to do.

If you can’t make it or it’s too far to come, then run your own version of that, right? Run your own version. So like recently I did 24 hours of burpees non-stop. No sleep. Easy day. That was a good indicator to me of how I would do on a 24 hour push, or 50 hour push of non-stop physical mental training like Kokoro camp.

So if you don’t have a burning desire and why then try something that’s gonna prove to you that either you get a “hell yes” or a “hell no.” if you don’t have a “hell yes” for Kokoro then don’t come. Really. You really shouldn’t do that unless you have a “hell yes,” burning “why.” the knowledge around why you need to do this.

So continue to do the work to clarify what it is you want out of it. How is it gonna affect you or change you. What’s missing in you where you think it is going to be the type of event that will change you?

And then test it. Test your motivation to see if it’s real. Cool.

“Uncommon”

28:19

Alex asks “when’s your next book coming out? What it will be focusing on?”

Thanks for asking. I’m working on the final chapters of the book that I’m calling “Uncommon” now. Which is the evolution of the book I started calling “Launch” to help people who are kind of starting something new, or even starting a new career, or starting out in life. Could really launch themselves with a lot of power, using kind of the Unbeatable Mind principles. So in a way, it really is the sequel to “Unbeatable Mind,” because I go into a lot of topics in much more fidelity or detail that I really did in “Unbeatable Mind.”

Such as the whole process for developing your witnessing mind. What that even means. Concentration. I’ve got some concentration trainings in there. Visualization. I’ve got a great chapter on habituation. Developing warrior virtues I got a whole chapter on learning how to communicate with heart and different communication strategies. Chapter on emotional development, overcoming your boo.

And also it’s much more personal and intimate. Like I get into some of my own boo that I had to overcome. And some family dynamics and stuff like that. It’s been a little challenging to write that because it’s not stuff that my family will want to hear. So we’ll see how that comes out anyways and report back to you.

So I’m gonna get that out probably… Not probably…. But in February or March. I haven’t set an exact date. I’m gonna be using a company to help me push it across the finish line in terms of getting it all packaged and looking professional and then to market it properly. I’m self-publishing this book, so I’m not using a major publisher. So I can set my own deadline.

Pretty excited about it. Anytime I’m nervous about putting out a piece of work that I generally think is going to be good. But this one I’m nervous about because I think it definitely goes a lot deeper into areas that… I think will be really helpful, but some new territory for me.

Protecting Yourself with Other People

30:30

Okay. That’s that. Next question is a little tricky. From mike f, “my spouse is just the queen of negativity where it’s dragging me down. Is there a way that I can help her redirect her thoughts and try to be more positive?”

Oh boy. Mike, this is a tough one. First, I would say protect yourself energetically from negativity. That includes from family members or your spouse. And you’re gonna do that with your visualization and you’re energetic shields, so to speak. And so in your morning ritual put the warrior shield on mentally and energetically. And don’t let the negativity bring you down, right? Because it will drag you down. So you can’t let that happen.

If it wasn’t your wife, if it wasn’t any other relationship I would say consider leaving it, right? Because it’s really difficult to change another human being. You really can’t, actually. People have to change themselves. So for you to say “hey, what can I do to change my wife?” It’s a sticky thing.

Having said that because someone… When someone’s that close to you and you’ve invested a large part of your life to be with this person, then it’s certainly worth a try. So that try can look like letting her know how her words are landing with you. And to help her to see how they’re impacting you negatively. And that’s basically what we’ll call a crucial or a critical conversation.

But do it from the heart. I just mentioned a little while ago that I’ve got a chapter in my new book on communication–communicating from the heart. This is actually a topic that I talk about. Not exactly this, but how critical it is to really have those conversations with people who have some sort of negative communication that are bringing us down. And it’s worth having the conversation. So, for instance, if your boss is really like this then guess what? You can sit there and be miserable and just leave. Or you can have a crucial conversation and help them understand how their words are landing with you. And one of the key tenets we have at Unbeatable Mind is you’ve got to be responsible for how your words land with other people.

So help her to see that her words are really bringing you down. And maybe if you have kids they’re bringing the kids down. The whole environment is being impacted.

And that’s just an awareness. So you’re not trying to change her. You’re not trying to say do this or do that. But just say this is what’s happening in my life, right? This is the impact these words are having. And you may not be aware of it, but I need to make you aware of it, because it’s really hurting me or you’re dragging me down. Or whatever language you need to use. But just be heartfelt about it.

Difficult conversations are so important even though they’re difficult, right? But you got to do them. Once you do them, boy, energy can change really quickly, because it just unsticks things. She might not be aware right? I think most people who have negative dialogue are unaware of it, because it’s part of their BOO or their background of obviousness. It’s the way that they were brought up. It was the language of their household or their family.

That’s the way it was with me. My family of origin had stinging, biting, sarcastic language. And a lot of anger. And a lot of aggressive languaging.

And I didn’t, but I kind of took the opposite approach and so I became more passive and submissive. And I had to change that right? I had to be aware that the language, the BOO, the background was what led to my own inability to communicate effectively. Takes time, but it was really helpful to have someone point it out to me. That’s where I’m coming at. So if no one’s pointing it out to your wife, then that she may not be aware.

There’s one of the most powerful communication and emotional development programs out there is called the Hoffman process. That might be something that you do and you… You can’t do it with your wife, but you can recommend. Check it out.

I won’t say anymore on that. So that’s kind of a referral, but just check it out. See what you learn from that. A lot of people have found that very, very useful.

Now you won’t you don’t want to shove stuff down your wife’s throat. Like I wouldn’t say “hey honey, this guy Mark Divine I’ve been following says you got to feed the courage wolf. And so we’re gonna practice feeding the courage wolf. Anytime you’re negative, I’m gonna I’m gonna interdict you and we’re gonna change the dialogue to positive dialogue.”

She’ll probably get pissed if you say that. And you’re just gonna push her away.

But in your own mind you can be doing that. And you can model positive dialogue around her and with her. And she might think it’s corny at first but do it in a very… I guess discreet and judicious manner right? And if yeah if it doesn’t… If these ideas don’t help and I think someone else some of the people listening probably have some great ideas in this too and I encourage you guys to post them as comments or questions at the podcast website. Either markdivine.com/podcast or unbeatablemind.com/podcast, because this is an important topic. It’s not easy definitely. Not easy. This is one of the trickier ones.

But it’s worth exploring and really getting into. Just going to a communication seminar, doing something with your wife, if she’s open to doing the work, will start to open up the dialogue.

Meditation and Doing the Work

36:04

Cool. Mark N. asks “I have difficulty with meditating. My mind seems to bounce around. Any tips to quiet the mind.”

Well, yeah I’ve got some tips. And by the way join the club. That’s the monkey mind. Your brain is going to be distracted and bouncing around. It’s what it does.

This is why I’ve often said that people fail meditating because it’s impossible to just start meditating. It’s like if you have no skills in playing golf, then I’m not going to be a good golfer. I’m not gonna suddenly just go out on the course and shoot like a 70 or whatever… Or be like tiger woods. It’s not gonna happen. You got to start at the beginning.

And the beginning for training the mind is box breathing. It’s getting your physiology–of which your brain is a big physiological lump of gray matter–it’s getting the physiology of your body-brain to essentially balance… To be balanced and detoxified. And unagitatedfied. I just made that word up.

And so first we start with box breathing. And that practice in and of itself I would just do for literally six to nine months before worrying about meditation. Problem I think a lot of us have is that meditating has become a word that doesn’t… It means something different to every single person who hears it. For a lot of people meditating is anything that you do with your eyes closed. Well that’s not the way I look at it. Or downloading an app like headspace and just following along with some sort of guided visualization or guided talk.

That’s not meditating. That’s contemplating right? So you have to understand the differences.

This is–like I said earlier–a big chunk of what we go into in our Unbeatable Mind academy immersion experience trainings. We want to help people understand the whole continuum that starts with box breathing and then it leads to developing concentration and focus.

And then we cultivate a connection with the witnessing mind. And we create what we call the simultaneous mind. And so the simultaneous mind is where you can watch your thinking mind, from you’re perceiving mind or your witnessing mind. And then you can begin to curate the quality, the quantity, and the direction of your thinking. That monkey mind.

And now we’re starting to get somewhere. And still we haven’t even meditated yet. And then we work on imagery, so that we can control the imagery and use it for maximum effect. And when we develop all those skills then just naturally we’re able to have deep periods of unfettered meditation, where we get great insights and experience that refined potential that all of us have right? The potential that lies deep inside of us. So that’s meditation.

You’re not alone. You have to follow the trail markers to get there. You can’t just jump into the deep end and expect to be good at it.

Having said that, with practice we can get there. But it takes time. Gotta be patient.

Leadership

39:27

Keith says “as a parent I want to instill in my kids strong leadership skills, whether in the sports, school, or elsewhere. If you were talking to a teenager what would you tell them great leaders should have?”

Well, I would tell them the great leader should be trustworthy. How do I trust someone? Well I trust someone who’s good to me. Who’s fair. Who speaks from the heart. Who cares about me. And who follows-up on their word–if they say they’re gonna do something, they do it.

Guess what? That type of person is a highly evolved individual. That type person is someone who’s developed an Unbeatable Mind, whether through our training or on their own. Those are the skills of the future leader right? Is someone who can be trustworthy, who can trust. Someone who can connect to their heart, so they have a deep care and concern for other individuals. Someone who cares about the environment and the world. Someone who’s learned to communicate well and takes responsibility for their language and for making sure their communication elevates instead of cuts down or denigrates. Those are the types of skills that our future leaders will need to develop. And I’ll do my part, so I appreciate you doing yours.

That’s that folks. Thanks again for listening. I hope this was useful to you. Sure have fun doing it. I’ll do more of these in the future.

Next solo cast I do, I’ll probably get back on track with reading chapters from the new book “Uncommon” that I’m working on. And until next time, stay focused, train hard, embrace the suck, do today what others won’t so you can do tomorrow what others can’t.

Hooyah.

Divine out.

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